The Measuring Stick (b)

Before we go deep into I Corinthians 13, we need to look at a few basic notions that need to be clarified or we might have some misleading ideas lingering around causing confusion.

One: I Corinthians 13 is not just for married couples. Think about it. When was the last time you heard a sermon on this chapter not connected to a wedding ceremony? You’d think married couples were the only ones capable of “true love.” Not that it should not be applied to marriage, but the context of the chapter is smack dab in the middle of Paul’s discussion of spiritual gifts. This instruction is not just for a select few who are married, those who have special gifts as they are all uniquely given by God, or for those who have reached the elusive pinnacle of agapē love. I Corinthians 13 is for all one anothers!

Two: The word “love” in I Corinthians 13 is the Greek word agapē, a feminine noun that includes in its definition brotherly love. We covered this in depth previously so I will not belabor the point save only to remind us that all love is from God and when known, felt, and exhibited within His framework it is good, holy, and pure.

The more important point regarding love’s definition is that biblical love is both a noun and a verb. As James makes clear in his epistle, if you look for love only as a noun (in word only) you really have no love at all. Love is not just theory. It is not just something we have. It is something we do and practice.

Three: Jesus said, “If you love (agapaō) me keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Multiple times throughout Scripture, God equates love with His commandments. Strip God’s commandments from I Corinthians 13 and we have only a partial lesson plan and we will without a doubt fail.

Now that we have these clarifications in place, let’s dig into this amazing passage.

Love: If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love,
I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
1 Corinthians 13:1

Jesus: Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous.
Matthew 23:29

I don’t know of any better example of noisy gongs and clanging cymbals than the religious leaders of Jesus’s day. Jesus pronounced seven “woes” on them in Matthew 23. I think one should have been enough, but obviously seven didn’t even get through to them. They were so busy making religious noise they didn’t even recognize Love when He walked in their midst.

But, we must also be careful when we share God’s truth with others. Can they see His love in our words, our tone, and our non-verbal communication…especially in our eyes? Or is our noise so loud and our clanging so annoying all they see is pious hypocrisy?

Journal’s Malice

Many years ago, I sat in a living room with a girlfriend and our husband while all the kids bounced on beds upstairs. This scene was not new. We fellowshipped with this couple for years and stood by them in a time of great difficulty within our church. We’d just finished a wonderful meal together. I assumed we were going to share some laughs. But that night the joke was on me…only I wasn’t laughing when this grueling evening was over.

I should’ve known something was amiss when my friend pulled out one of her many journals and opened up the conversation with, “Elaine, we need to talk…” Only she didn’t talk. She read. Years of journal entries about me was the topic and it wasn’t sunshine and roses. Every wrong I had ever committed within our circle of friends was meticulously written down.

“For the record,” she said.

“I’m sharing this with you for your own good,” she said.

Every once in a while she looked up from her reading and asked, “Do you remember three years ago…?”

I was a mother of three kids under six years old. I could barely remember that morning’s breakfast let alone something I may or may not have said three years ago! I sat in stunned silence and if you know me at all, that does not happen often. I grabbed my husband’s hand and tried to make eye contact, but his eyes were as glazed over as mine.

I glanced over at her husband. He had a pasted smile on his face, his hands were folded in his lap, and his legs were crossed. He tried to look relaxed, but his jaw twitched as he stared at nothing. Now I know he was torn between empathy for me and relief that she was reading about someone else instead of him for a change.

She kept reading, but all I heard were clanging cymbals and noisy gongs smashing inside my head and ripping at my heart.

To be continued…

The Measuring Stick (a)

At the turn of this century, there were multiple buzz phrases tossed about in the business world. If you wanted to appear intelligent and in the know, you made sure these phrases were part of your daily vocabulary. Clichés like, “think outside the box,” “maximize resources,” and “bottom line results” have been overused to the point that if spoken today, you will appear as a has-been rather than an up-and-comer. Please excuse the use of more overused clichés.

Eventually these phrases found their way into Christian-speak and were embraced by congregations desperate to prove themselves to their communities, their denominations, and the world at large. The words may seem innocent enough, but the philosophies behind them are anything but harmless. No longer is the church’s measuring stick God’s standards, Jesus’ life example, and the New Testament church. Rather, a church is measured by quantifiable numbers and outcomes.

Program A is heralded as successful and given an increased budget because hundreds or even thousands of people attend each week. Program B is on the chopping block because only three little old ladies attend. And Program C has been cancelled because the budget far exceeded the minimal quantifiable impact it produced. In the human business world, these conclusions would be reasonable. However, in God’s business of going and making disciples in a lost world, they are far from reasonable; they are disastrous.

As a body of believers, we better be sure the measuring stick we are basing our decisions on is God’s and not the latest fad embraced by a fallen world. Would today’s evangelical church mimic Jeremiah’s or Daniel’s method of ministry? How about Paul? Or Peter? Sometimes I wonder if we would even “come and follow” Jesus if He walked through our streets today. Probably not! For one thing, we would assume He wasn’t very successful since He would walk everywhere instead of riding in the latest and greatest SUV.

The propensity for the people of God to imitate the world’s methods is nothing new. Israel just had to have a king. They were tired of the minimal results from the judges and prophets system. Then, of course, these kings just had to have more than one wife. After all, that’s how all the other kings secured heirs. And everybody else worshipped many gods, why not the Israelites?

So as not to be too hard on Old Testament Israel, how about James and John wanting the most prestigious seats in Jesus’ new kingdom? Even the earliest believers stayed huddled up in Jerusalem until the stoning of Stephen forced them to go into all the world. And we dare not forget Jesus’ charge to the seven churches in Revelation. In their quest to do things like the world, the majority of these churches did not receive very good commendations from the King of Kings. Will we never learn?

In this chapter, I want us to learn well God’s measuring stick for loving one another. We will do that by investigating a passage of Scripture often called “the love chapter”: I Corinthians 13. We will compare the instructions in this chapter to Jesus’ life while here on earth.

One of the most intriguing things to me about Jesus’ time here on earth was that He was always teaching or giving a lesson. He was always leading even though the whole time, He was on His way to the cross. He wanted these early followers to learn and to follow. Let’s do that, too!

The Measuring Stick

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, THAT YOU ALSO LOVE ONE ANOTHER. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

John 13:34 & 35

Love – agapē (noun) (G26)

affection, good will, love, benevolence, brotherly love
love feasts

Seeking Abigail: Scene Six

Scene Six

But Peter sent them all out and knelt down and prayed, and turning to the body, he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter, she sat up. Acts 9:40

Abigail scrunched her brow in an attempt to concentrate on the task before her.

“Is your father lighting the candles now?”

Her mother crossed the room and picked the candles up from her father’s place at the table. She brushed past her daughter and placed the candlesticks in front of her seat.

“I am sorry, Mother.” Abigail stood holding a bowl in one hand and the wine goblet in the other. “I am just a little distracted.”

“Distracted?” Her mother grabbed the items from her daughter’s hands and placed them on the table. “I do not need any more distractions. Your father will be home soon and he expects all to be ready.” She pushed her daughter toward the stairs.

Abigail resisted. “I can do this, Mother.”

“Not today.” She continued to push. “Today you help your little sisters dress.”

“They can dress themselves.” Abigail turned around. “You need my help here.”

Her mother pointed to the table. “This help I do not need.”

Abigail took a good look at the table. Not one dish or utensil was where it was supposed to be. She hung her head in shame. Setting the Sabbath table had been her task since she was tall enough to reach it. How could she explain to her mother that her distraction was Judah’s fault, Judah and all this raising someone from the dead business? Mismanaged preparation for this holy day over such a distraction simply would not be tolerated.

Father had strictly forbidden any talk in their home about this new sect. She was quickly reprimanded the last time she tried to ask him a question about this polarizing religious group. And just as quickly, he reminded her that she better get all such thoughts out of her head or even Elias would not want to marry her. She let out a huge sigh. Of all the available Jewish men in Joppa, her father had to pick the one who made her nauseous.

“More distractions?” Her mother snapped her pudgy fingers in her face.

Abigail hesitated to answer. “I…I…well, it is just…”

“Just what?” Now her mother stood with hands on hips. “I do not have all day.”

“It is nothing, Mother.” The girl turned and started up the stairs. Another big sigh escaped from deep within her soul.

“Just one minute.”

To her surprise, Abigail’s mother followed her up the stairs and pulled her to a stop. The eyes that were just seconds ago harsh and demanding began to soften.

“There is something bothering you. Tell me.”

The girl just shook her head. She simply could not risk the ire of her father and place her mother in the middle of yet another father-daughter squabble. She tried to smile and said the first thing that came to her mind. “Just nerves, Mother.”

“I knew it!” Her mother waved her hands in the air. “You are excited that Elias comes to our Sabbath. No?”

Abigail started to shake her head and then thought better of it. This was the perfect explanation she needed, but she could not outright lie. Her mind swirled for the best reply, but no words in the affirmative would be truthful. So she gave her mother a sheepish smile. Her mother hugged her and then scooted back down the stairs singing her words.

“I knew you would come around. Elias is a good man: a great match.” She looked back to her daughter and waved her arms up and down. “Go, go! Get yourself ready. You must look especially beautiful tonight!”

“The girls?” Abigail kept the smile pasted on her face.

“Eh!” Her mother twirled down the last steps. “They dress themselves.” She laughed, almost hysterically. “I never thought this day would come.”

Abigail plopped down on one of the steps and tried to sort out what just happened. She would not have to explain about her real reason for being distracted, but at what cost? Now she would have to pretend that she was pleased with her betrothal and she was not at all sure just how long she could keep that up. Hiding her true feelings was not one of her strong suits.

A younger voice called from above, “Abigail, may I borrow…?”

She waved a hand above her head. “Yes, yes.”

The voice giggled with glee. She had answered absently without even knowing what was to be borrowed. It did not matter. All that mattered now was how to get through this night without disclosing her true feelings, but at the same time not appearing too eager. She put her head between her knees and let out another deep sigh.

She whispered, “This is all Judah’s fault. And Chloe’s! And Tabitha’s!”

“Tsk, tsk.” Abigail touched two fingers to her mouth. “You are a wicked girl to speak ill of the dead.”

A quick thought raced through her head. No! It is not possible. But…maybe… She raised her head and listened carefully for any approaching movement and then said so softly that she almost could not hear herself say it.

“Maybe she is no longer dead.”

As quickly as she said it, she placed both hands over her mouth for she sensed she had somehow spoken blasphemy. Was Jehovah God, Who sees and hears all things, angry with her and about to strike her dead right where she sat? She remained very still and stared straight ahead for a few moments. Nothing different appeared to be happening. Her mother still fussed over the meal. Her siblings still scurried around upstairs. And her heart was still beating.

What if it can happen? What if this Apostle can raise Tabitha from the dead? Has it happened already? She had no idea how long such a thing takes. And if it has happened, what should she do?

“You are still daydreaming?” Her mother scolded from the bottom of the stairs. “I hear your father and Elias in the garden.” She waved her apron up and down. “Shoo!”

Abigail scrambled to her feet. “Yes, Mother.”

Three brothers and two sisters scrambled down the stairs as she hurried up them.

“Miriam, that is my shawl.” Abigail reached for the beautiful violet garment.

Her sister avoided her reach and shouted back. “You told me I could borrow it.” The girl nodded amongst numerous giggles as she descended the remaining stairs.

Abigail paused at the top of the stairs. Elias’ animated laughter filled their home as her siblings danced around him. She wanted her own heart to dance when this man entered a room. Instead, it usually crept into a deserted corner of her soul. Her mother told her not to worry about such silly girlish things. But Abigail not only worried about it, she longed for it. Was it wrong to want to be loved…truly loved. Another sigh escaped from deep within her soul.

Easier Said than Done (e)

Jesus loved in truth

This is the hardest attribute of Christ’s love for me to comprehend. It seems simple and logical enough. God is truth, so of course, He loves in truth. However, the reality of how this is demonstrated is difficult for me to apply in my everyday life. Maybe it is for you too. Once again, it comes down to extremes. We either try to love while ignoring the truth, or we try to love while we beat each other over the head with truth. Let’s examine the latter tendency first.

Jesus never beat any disciple over the head with His truth. Goodness, He is the Truth! Instead, He simply stated truth, repeated truth, and even rebuked with truth; then, He just carried on loving them. He did this multiple times with Peter, and he had to get James, John, and their mother (ouch) back into right thinking. He also had strong words for Thomas in his time of doubt. Each time, though, His love wrapped the truth in its expression. How loving of our Savior to allow Thomas to touch His hands and His side. What great love restored Peter when he hit rock bottom. For Jesus, it is truth and relationship (equal in their importance) which matters, not just truth alone.

We, on the other hand, like to make sure the truth is known and who it is that is making the truth known…namely us. The prize goes to the one who speaks the truth the loudest and most often. All too often, relationship is nowhere to be found when we are on a truth quest, and God help any people who get in our way while we are on that quest. Those who can’t handle it are just squeamish, need to grow thicker skin, and get over it. Period!

Don’t get me wrong. I hope you have figured out that I am a firm believer in absolute truth…The Truth. If you are astute, you may have also figured out that I speak from experience on this subject of putting truth before relationships. There was a time when truth was all that was important to me. I had to be right and, of course, I usually was. Not! God was not my God in practice; truth was my god. I sincerely believed that if I was speaking the truth that was enough.

I was sincerely wrong.

It is also sincerely wrong to speak love without truth. I don’t have personal experience in this, but I have seen the damage it causes, damage no less severe than my truth beatings. Jesus never sugar coated sin. He never looked the other way when evil reared its ugly head. Nor did he excuse a person’s shortcomings or her sins of omission. For some people, it is next to impossible for them to confront. They falsely believe that love does not do that. Love just accepts what is happening, goes along with the punches (sometimes literally), and love certainly never challenges the status quo.

I used to think these folks were wimps. That is not the case at all. In fact, I would dare say they have more moxie than I’ll ever have, but it is misplaced moxie. They take on burdens never meant for them. They believe they are helping the other person. They believe they are doing them a favor. They are compelled to give one last chance. They sincerely believe they are martyrs for Jesus by carrying the burden of truth for all involved. They are also sincerely wrong.

Martha and Mary

These dear ladies were not only sisters, but also devoted followers of Christ making them sisters, one anothers, in the Lord. My blood sister is also my sister in the Lord. Those of us with such a relationship are truly blessed, aren’t we! I digress, again. Anyway, even though they were not one of the twelve inner circle disciples, I want to visit their story to help us understand how to love in truth. I think it will help us to see this from a woman’s point of view.

You may be familiar with the scene. Jesus is at the home of Martha and Mary. Luke tells us that Martha was the one who invited Jesus into their home. I don’t know if this is proof positive she was the oldest, but her bossiness sure gives it away. (Sorry, Sis…just had to get that in there.) Whether oldest sister or not, Martha was the workaholic and the worrier. Everything had to be just right for Jesus’ visit. Even while He and the others sat, ate, and chatted, she just couldn’t stop doing.

Not Mary. She wanted to sit with everyone and take it all in, but even that wasn’t good enough. She sat at Jesus’ feet. She wanted to grasp every word of what He was saying and soak up all that Jesus was. Could two women be any more contradictory or respond to Jesus in any more diverse ways? No, and Martha had had enough. She not only was perturbed with Mary, she was astonished that Jesus didn’t point out the truth, well her truth, that Mary was being lazy.

Jesus didn’t beat Martha up with the real truth, His truth. He didn’t brow beat. Nor did he ignore the facts of what was going on or let Martha get by with wrong thinking. He spoke to her with tenderness. He exposed Martha’s error and then He secured Mary. He loved them both in truth.

But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Luke 10:41-42

There are many more ways Jesus demonstrated His love. I encourage you to continue reading the Gospels for yourself, to taste and see the love of Jesus and how to be more like Him.

I want to conclude this chapter with some practical applications on what we’ve discovered so far within the context of loving one another. With all my heart I plead with you to not take these truths and turn them into “to do lists.” Rather, use them as guide posts to show you His loving power and how it can flow through you for His glory.! Jesus will direct you on the daily and even hourly particulars of how you should follow these directives. “Come, follow Him!”

Discussion

Love in Truth

This is undoubtedly one of the hardest things for us to do as Christ does. We can sometimes love and we can sometimes speak the truth. But doing them in tandem is so hard because they seem to be at odds rather than working together for the good of others. So, I have some practical suggestions that I think will be helpful.

Bite your tongue. Put your hand over your mouth. Count to ten. Walk away. Do whatever it takes to learn to not speak if you can’t speak in love. Repeat as necessary.
Seek forgiveness from those who have been harmed by your tongue or deeds or both.
Take “but” out of your vocabulary. I would show love to her/him, but ____________. You can fill in the blank.
Love in spite of, love any way, love even though, and love because Jesus loves you!
Saturate your mind with God’s truth and put on the whole armor of God daily, including the belt of truth, and walk in peace.
Seek a trusted one another and let her be honest with you on this subject. Do you have truth without love? Do you love without truth? You must be willing to hear the truth, accept the love, and then take appropriate action or you will be at risk of damaging a relationship.

Easier Said than Done (d)

Jesus loved wholly

The love Jesus had for His disciples was never withheld; it was never pulled back or doled out as proportionally deserved. He wholly loved at all times. It may not have always appeared loving, but it was always love demonstrated to His chosen ones. Whether He was teaching His disciples, rebuking them, or just walking down the road with them, His love was manifested.

Think about it. The life of following Jesus was no cake walk, literally. They walked for hours upon hours every day, often with nowhere to sleep. Brutal storms and food shortages were common place, not to mention the condemning eyes and spies that followed them everywhere. Let’s not forget the deep and oftentimes exhausting theological discussions that took place regularly. Add to that the common and often strong rebukes Jesus delivered.

We struggle with a twenty minute sermon once a week and get annoyed when the pastor dares to step on our toes once in a while. These twelve men encountered the piercing eyes of the very Son of God. They only survived because love surrounded those eyes and enveloped all Jesus said and did.

Peter

I don’t know why Jesus singled Peter out on so many occasions. Surely the other disciples had as many questions as Peter did. Surely, over a three year period of time they each opened mouth and inserted a big, dusty foot. After all, each of them deserted Jesus in His greatest time of need. Why was Peter singled out by Satan to be sifted as wheat and deny the Lord he loved so dearly (Luke 22:31)?

Don’t miss that Peter’s highs were just as exhausting as his lows. It’s not every day one walks on water, almost topples a boat for the load of fish, finds tax money in the mouth of a fish, sees a holy conversation on top of a mountain, or dares to declare Jesus to be the Son of the Most High God. I’m emotionally drained just writing it all out. I struggle to imagine the actual experience of it all.

In reality, I don’t have to imagine it. All I need to get is this: through all Peter did, through all he said, through all he was, Jesus loved him. Did Peter get confused by Jesus? Yes. Did Peter bring disappoint to Jesus? Yep. Did Peter argue with Jesus? Oh yeah. (We never do that, right?) Did Peter take his eyes off Jesus? Once. Did Peter misunderstand Jesus? At least twice. Did Peter deny Jesus? Three times. Did Peter ever step outside the boundaries of Jesus’ love? NEVER!

I’m not suggesting that we will ever attain to Christ’s level of love. I actually pat myself on the back when I even manage to love someone even a little bit for more than an hour at a time. But I must be committed to obey the command of my Teacher: “love as I have loved” and that means wholly.

When my friend forgets our night at the theater, I am to love. When my child glares at me when told to clean his room, I am to love. When my mom withholds her love, I am to love. When the church usher forgets my name, I am to love. When that in-law refuses yet another invitation to a family event, I am to love. When the lady at Bible study talks down at my comments, I am to love. When the nursery worker curtly suggests I supply more diapers for my newborn, I am to love. When my husband is more engaged with his devices than he is with me, I am to love. And, when he breaks a vow…I don’t have to do this one do I? I am to love.

Impossible! Yes, it is! But Jesus said love each other just like He loves us. He invites our love. He loves us as individuals. He loves us wholly. But He also loves us in truth.

Discussion

Love Wholly

Place your expectations at the cross and leave them there. Do not keep a record of wrongs. This is straight from Scripture (I Corinthians 13:5), so it isn’t a suggestion. When we keep records, it is impossible to love wholly. If you’ve actually written down sins and offenses done against you, burn it!

God is judge. We are to discern. There is a difference. Ask God to so show you that difference and then apply His guidance. This may mean walking away from an abusive relationship while at the same time praying for and forgiving the one you walked away from.

Or it may mean packing the addict’s suitcase and changing the locks, then staying on your knees before the Throne of Grace when you don’t know where he is. It may mean being the one to take the first step across the miles and years of separation. Or it may mean laying aside your own desires for the desires of a fellow one another. It may be as simple, yet not so simple, as loving when they aren’t very lovable.

Pray for those you cannot love wholly. Tell God why and ask Him to change your heart. Yes, your heart, not her heart. In combination with this, remember you are not the Holy Spirit. Withholding your love will not change hearts or behavior. Only Jesus can!