Jesus loved in truth

This is the hardest attribute of Christ’s love for me to comprehend. It seems simple and logical enough. God is truth, so of course, He loves in truth. However, the reality of how this is demonstrated is difficult for me to apply in my everyday life. Maybe it is for you too. Once again, it comes down to extremes. We either try to love while ignoring the truth, or we try to love while we beat each other over the head with truth. Let’s examine the latter tendency first.

Jesus never beat any disciple over the head with His truth. Goodness, He is the Truth! Instead, He simply stated truth, repeated truth, and even rebuked with truth; then, He just carried on loving them. He did this multiple times with Peter, and he had to get James, John, and their mother (ouch) back into right thinking. He also had strong words for Thomas in his time of doubt. Each time, though, His love wrapped the truth in its expression. How loving of our Savior to allow Thomas to touch His hands and His side. What great love restored Peter when he hit rock bottom. For Jesus, it is truth and relationship (equal in their importance) which matters, not just truth alone.

We, on the other hand, like to make sure the truth is known and who it is that is making the truth known…namely us. The prize goes to the one who speaks the truth the loudest and most often. All too often, relationship is nowhere to be found when we are on a truth quest, and God help any people who get in our way while we are on that quest. Those who can’t handle it are just squeamish, need to grow thicker skin, and get over it. Period!

Don’t get me wrong. I hope you have figured out that I am a firm believer in absolute truth…The Truth. If you are astute, you may have also figured out that I speak from experience on this subject of putting truth before relationships. There was a time when truth was all that was important to me. I had to be right and, of course, I usually was. Not! God was not my God in practice; truth was my god. I sincerely believed that if I was speaking the truth that was enough. 

I was sincerely wrong.

It is also sincerely wrong to speak love without truth. I don’t have personal experience in this, but I have seen the damage it causes, damage no less severe than my truth beatings.  Jesus never sugar coated sin. He never looked the other way when evil reared its ugly head. Nor did he excuse a person’s shortcomings or her sins of omission. For some people, it is next to impossible for them to confront. They falsely believe that love does not do that. Love just accepts what is happening, goes along with the punches (sometimes literally), and love certainly never challenges the status quo.

I used to think these folks were wimps. That is not the case at all. In fact, I would dare say they have more moxie than I’ll ever have, but it is misplaced moxie. They take on burdens never meant for them. They believe they are helping the other person. They believe they are doing them a favor. They are compelled to give one last chance. They sincerely believe they are martyrs for Jesus by carrying the burden of truth for all involved. They are also sincerely wrong.

Martha and Mary

These dear ladies were not only sisters, but also devoted followers of Christ making them sisters, one anothers, in the Lord. My blood sister is also my sister in the Lord. Those of us with such a relationship are truly blessed, aren’t we! I digress, again. Anyway, even though they were not one of the twelve inner circle disciples, I want to visit their story to help us understand how to love in truth. I think it will help us to see this from a woman’s point of view.

You may be familiar with the scene. Jesus is at the home of Martha and Mary. Luke tells us that Martha was the one who invited Jesus into their home. I don’t know if this is proof positive she was the oldest, but her bossiness sure gives it away. (Sorry, Sis…just had to get that in there.) Whether oldest sister or not, Martha was the workaholic and the worrier. Everything had to be just right for Jesus’ visit. Even while He and the others sat, ate, and chatted, she just couldn’t stop doing.

Not Mary. She wanted to sit with everyone and take it all in, but even that wasn’t good enough. She sat at Jesus’ feet. She wanted to grasp every word of what He was saying and soak up all that Jesus was. Could two women be any more contradictory or respond to Jesus in any more diverse ways? No, and Martha had had enough. She not only was perturbed with Mary, she was astonished that Jesus didn’t point out the truth, well her truth, that Mary was being lazy. 

Jesus didn’t beat Martha up with the real truth, His truth. He didn’t brow beat. Nor did he ignore the facts of what was going on or let Martha get by with wrong thinking. He spoke to her with tenderness. He exposed Martha’s error and then He secured Mary. He loved them both in truth. 

But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Luke 10:41-42

There are many more ways Jesus demonstrated His love. I encourage you to continue reading the Gospels for yourself, to taste and see the love of Jesus and how to be more like Him.

I want to conclude this chapter with some practical applications on what we’ve discovered so far within the context of loving one another. With all my heart I plead with you to not take these truths and turn them into “to do lists.” Rather, use them as guide posts to show you His loving power and how it can flow through you for His glory.! Jesus will direct you on the daily and even hourly particulars of how you should follow these directives. “Come, follow Him!”

Discussion

Love in Truth

This is undoubtedly one of the hardest things for us to do as Christ does. We can sometimes love and we can sometimes speak the truth. But doing them in tandem is so hard because they seem to be at odds rather than working together for the good of others. So, I have some practical suggestions that I think will be helpful.

• Bite your tongue. Put your hand over your mouth. Count to ten. Walk away. Do whatever it takes to learn to not speak if you can’t speak in love. Repeat as necessary.
• Seek forgiveness from those who have been harmed by your tongue or deeds or both.
• Take “but” out of your vocabulary. I would show love to her/him, but ____________. You can fill in the blank.
• Love in spite of, love any way, love even though, and love because Jesus loves you!
• Saturate your mind with God’s truth and put on the whole armor of God daily, including the belt of truth, and walk in peace.
• Seek a trusted one another and let her be honest with you on this subject. Do you have truth without love? Do you love without truth? You must be willing to hear the truth, accept the love, and then take appropriate action or you will be at risk of damaging a relationship.

Jesus loved wholly

The love Jesus had for His disciples was never withheld; it was never pulled back or doled out as proportionally deserved. He wholly loved at all times. It may not have always appeared loving, but it was always love demonstrated to His chosen ones. Whether He was teaching His disciples, rebuking them, or just walking down the road with them, His love was manifested. 

Think about it. The life of following Jesus was no cake walk, literally. They walked for hours upon hours every day, often with nowhere to sleep. Brutal storms and food shortages were common place, not to mention the condemning eyes and spies that followed them everywhere. Let’s not forget the deep and oftentimes exhausting theological discussions that took place regularly. Add to that the common and often strong rebukes Jesus delivered. 

We struggle with a twenty minute sermon once a week and get annoyed when the pastor dares to step on our toes once in a while. These twelve men encountered the piercing eyes of the very Son of God. They only survived because love surrounded those eyes and enveloped all Jesus said and did.

Peter

I don’t know why Jesus singled Peter out on so many occasions. Surely the other disciples had as many questions as Peter did. Surely, over a three year period of time they each opened mouth and inserted a big, dusty foot. After all, each of them deserted Jesus in His greatest time of need. Why was Peter singled out by Satan to be sifted as wheat and deny the Lord he loved so dearly (Luke 22:31)?

Don’t miss that Peter’s highs were just as exhausting as his lows. It’s not every day one walks on water, almost topples a boat for the load of fish, finds tax money in the mouth of a fish, sees a holy conversation on top of a mountain, or dares to declare Jesus to be the Son of the Most High God. I’m emotionally drained just writing it all out. I struggle to imagine the actual experience of it all. 

In reality, I don’t have to imagine it. All I need to get is this: through all Peter did, through all he said, through all he was, Jesus loved him. Did Peter get confused by Jesus? Yes. Did Peter bring disappoint to Jesus? Yep. Did Peter argue with Jesus? Oh yeah. (We never do that, right?) Did Peter take his eyes off Jesus? Once. Did Peter misunderstand Jesus? At least twice. Did Peter deny Jesus? Three times. Did Peter ever step outside the boundaries of Jesus’ love? NEVER!

I’m not suggesting that we will ever attain to Christ’s level of love. I actually pat myself on the back when I even manage to love someone even a little bit for more than an hour at a time. But I must be committed to obey the command of my Teacher: “love as I have loved” and that means wholly. 

When my friend forgets our night at the theater, I am to love. When my child glares at me when told to clean his room, I am to love. When my mom withholds her love, I am to love. When the church usher forgets my name, I am to love. When that in-law refuses yet another invitation to a family event, I am to love. When the lady at Bible study talks down at my comments, I am to love. When the nursery worker curtly suggests I supply more diapers for my newborn, I am to love. When my husband is more engaged with his devices than he is with me, I am to love. And, when he breaks a vow…I don’t have to do this one do I? I am to love.

Impossible! Yes, it is! But Jesus said love each other just like He loves us. He invites our love. He loves us as individuals. He loves us wholly. But He also loves us in truth.

Discussion

Love Wholly

Place your expectations at the cross and leave them there. Do not keep a record of wrongs. This is straight from Scripture (I Corinthians 13:5), so it isn’t a suggestion. When we keep records, it is impossible to love wholly. If you’ve actually written down sins and offenses done against you, burn it! 

God is judge. We are to discern. There is a difference. Ask God to so show you that difference and then apply His guidance. This may mean walking away from an abusive relationship while at the same time praying for and forgiving the one you walked away from. 

Or it may mean packing the addict’s suitcase and changing the locks, then staying on your knees before the Throne of Grace when you don’t know where he is. It may mean being the one to take the first step across the miles and years of separation. Or it may mean laying aside your own desires for the desires of a fellow one another. It may be as simple, yet not so simple, as loving when they aren’t very lovable. 

Pray for those you cannot love wholly. Tell God why and ask Him to change your heart. Yes, your heart, not her heart. In combination with this, remember you are not the Holy Spirit. Withholding your love will not change hearts or behavior. Only Jesus can!

Jesus loved individually

Yes, He loved the world. Yes, He cried over Israel’s rejection of Him. And yes, He shed His precious blood for both Jew and Gentile. But He also exhibited these attributes of love individually. His relationship to Peter was different than His relationship to John or Thomas. His rapport was as unique with Mary as it was to Martha. As the Creator, He knew each one of His sheep (followers) intimately, individually, and completely. His love for each one was the same, but His demonstration of love and His methodology of love were expressed individually and specifically. 

John

Most commentators believe John was the youngest disciple. He was the younger brother of James and he did outlive the others. More important than his age was his deep love for Jesus and his own expression of that love. What is even more important than this was Jesus’ love for John and His desire for John to express that love back to Him. 

The apostle John and I are alike in one way. We like hugs! I need to have my quota of hugs every day or I get grouchy. Certainly, I am not saying John was prone to grouchiness! But it is apparent that he expressed his love with physical touch, not in the perverted way some have twisted the relationship of Jesus with His disciples, but in a most wonderful, manly, culturally acceptable and godly way.

We do not know what physical expressions of love the other disciples experienced with Jesus. Did they hug? Did they give a strong, hardy handshake or clasped arms? Or did they give the traditional greeting of a kiss? We know Judas used this as the sign of his betrayal. What we do know is that physical touch was important enough to John for him to mention it in his gospel several times. And we know Jesus allowed John to love him in his own God-given way.

There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. John 13:23

Do we allow people to express their love to us in their own way?

I like to give hugs and I like to receive hugs. Just give me lots of hugs and let me give you a great big bear hug and I’m good to go! But my husband is not that way at all. He likes to give gifts while at the same time; he likes to receive words of affirmation. 

For years, we struggled to clearly and honestly express our love to each other. What we finally figured out is that, once again, it isn’t about either/or…it is about both/and. I need to love my man with hugs and with words of affirmation. And I need to let him love me with hugs and with gifts. For too long, I placed a higher value on the hugs which made him feel rebuffed and inadequate. Jesus valued John’s expression of love. I should do the same.

Discussion

Love Individually

Do another, but different love inventory. (I know this is getting too personal. For me too!) This time think about how you love the one anothers around you? Do you love them all the same way without any thought about how they receive that love? Do you love them with a “one size fits all” approach? Do you value and respect their way of loving, though different from yours.

Is it uncomfortable to think of loving someone so that it is meaningful to them? Is it awkward to receive their love when it is different from your own comfortable expression? How can you change that? 

• Seek out opportunities to love differently, intentionally, individually. 
• Give a hug. You won’t break and neither will they.
• Say those three little words: “I love you.” Come on! You can do it! 
• Help your child with her homework. You’ll remember 2 +2 =4 when you need to. 
• Jump a generation or two and love someone older or younger than you.
• Keep your word and hold your tongue. Both shout, “I love you.”
• Accept others’ godly love, even if it isn’t your way of loving or doesn’t completely meet your love need. Jesus knows that and He will fill any void.

As His children, though, we cannot merely mimic His love. In fact, doing so breeds a toxic hypocrisy to those around us and to ourselves. We think we have a form of godliness because we mimic so well. However, if that is all we are doing, then we fall into the trap of having a form of love without really loving as Christ loved, and all the while thinking we are just fine.

Even as we are commanded to love as Jesus loved and even as we are commanded to follow His example, we must do these in the power and regeneration of His Spirit or the results will be a forest full of lollipop trees with measles instead of a life filled with the fruit of His Spirit. Even now, I hesitate to lay out a list of how Jesus loved for fear we might drill this love thing down to checking off the completion of each task on said list. I fear we will simply try to duplicate and copy rather than experience and live out the unfathomable love of Christ. 

So I commit these examples from our Savior, Jesus the Christ, back to Him and trust that the Holy Spirit will work in and through each of us for the Father’s eternal purposes and for His everlasting glory. These are but a few of the ways Jesus demonstrated His love to His closest followers. I pray these will challenge and encourage us to love one another as He loves us. You can find many more ways God demonstrates His love to us throughout the pages of the Bible.

Jesus invited love

What we describe as the call of the disciples was really Christ’s invitation to have a relationship with Him…to know Him…to experience His love. He didn’t just invite the loveable. In fact, He didn’t invite any lovable ones. All His disciples were stinky, unclean, and scratchy sandpaper human beings. What a motley crew these twelve were, just as we are! 

None of the twelve were worthy of His love. None of these men could ever measure up to His standards or meet His expectations. They failed Him time and again. They disappointed. They disputed. They deserted. They denied. And the one not truly His own, Judas, betrayed Him. But Jesus invited even him to His love relationship. It was Judas’ choice to reject that invitation.

I would never think of inviting a bunch of uneducated, smelly fishermen into a love relationship with me, nor would I invite a deceitful, low-life tax collector. And I certainly would not invite the very person who would betray me to my death to love me. That, my dear friend, is the crux of my problem. I would dare say it could be your problem as well.

We only invite people to love us who look like us, talk like us, act like us, and believe like us. Once selected, the lucky ones we bestow our love upon must now meet our expectations and standards and fulfill our desires. If not, well, we just un-invite them by withholding our love. Praise God, He does not operate that way and neither does His Son!

Matthew

In the days of Jesus, there wasn’t a more hated Jew than the tax collector. These men were considered cohorts of Rome and traitors of Israel. Jesus’ choice of Levi, also known as Matthew, set the standard for His followers and for His detractors, the religious leaders of that day. For His followers, they learned all were welcomed into His loving arms no matter their past and shortcomings. For His detractors, they knew they could never accept an invitation of love that included those most unlike themselves. How sad.

After that He went out and noticed a tax collector named Levi sitting in the tax booth, and He said to him, “Follow Me.” And he left everything behind, and got up and began to follow Him. And Levi gave a big reception for Him in his house; and there was a great crowd of tax collectors and other people who were reclining at the table with them. Luke 5:27-29

I wonder how much we miss and what blessings pass us by because we only want to love people most like ourselves. Tragically, our shortsightedness not only robs us, it robs others of ever knowing the Jesus we claim to love and serve.

Discussion

Do a love inventory. Who is in your love circle? Does everyone look like you? Talk like you? Act like you? Vote like you? Shop where you shop? Eat where you eat? Is there anything different about them? Is there any variety in the circle of those you love?

Look for someone totally opposite of you. A person who is a one another, but not someone you naturally gravitate to or always feel comfortable around. Start a conversation with them. Use discernment to discover a need and then meet it. Maybe it’s a ride to the doctor or helping paint a room or babysitting. 

Look for the unlovable and love them. You may find them at church, work, school, or among your neighbors. Just because someone is unlovable in your eyes doesn’t mean they have not had their heart pierced by Jesus and thereby are a one another. Remember, as much as this is hard for us to comprehend, we are unlovable to at least one someone else. Gasp! 

Pray for this unlovable, sandpapery one another. Pray that God will open your heart to look past the unlovable stuff and see why He loves her. Pray that God will help you realize that no one is lovable enough to be loved by God. No one deserves the price that Jesus paid on the cross. We were all filthy when He claimed us and we all still stink, at least a little. So hold your nose and love.