The wall was established. John Mark would not be asked to help with his future mission work. I don’t think this was a knee jerk decision on Paul’s part. He was quick to point out Mark’s unreliability to Barnabas and was so set against the idea that he was willing to part ways with the very man who had taken him in when no one else would (Acts 9:26-27). No, Paul had thought about Mark’s unreliability often and established this barrier for Mark long before this conversation took place. But there were several things he didn’t do that he should have.

He didn’t seek counsel or if he did, he didn’t heed it. The strong language used in verse 39 suggests an unbending attitude and inflexibility on his part. It also suggests this is the first Barnabas had heard of Paul’s deep disappointment in John Mark.

Most importantly, Paul did not talk to Mark about this shortcoming nor did he want to talk to him. We can give Paul the benefit of the doubt and suggest he didn’t have opportunity to talk to Mark since the young man had deserted them. Mark was not a cell phone call away. But he could have opportunity to talk to Mark if he would have been willing to take him on his next missionary journey. Paul wasn’t willing to do that. That relationship was done and now so was his relationship to Barnabas. This was not a picture perfect time in Paul’s life.

But! Praise God! He works out His perfect will and plan even when we aren’t doing what we should be doing. Both Paul and Barnabas were used by God throughout the rest of their lives. And Mark was also used in mighty ways by God. Not only did he write one of the Gospels, he became invaluable to Paul. In His grace and mercy, God didn’t let any of these men go, not even unreliable Mark. 

Only Luke is with me. Pick up Mark and bring him with you, f
or he is useful to me for service.

 II Timothy 4:11

The Bible doesn’t tell us the particulars of how this relationship was restored. Some have suggested Mark just needed time to mature and grow. That is probably true, but that would not have happened if Mark had been left to find his own way. Someone stayed close to him and that someone was Barnabas. This man was not foolish or naïve about Mark’s failings. He was simply willing to take the harder road, the riskier road, and stay in Mark’s life. All three men were stronger disciples because one of them was not only willing to set parameters, but also to love like Christ within those boundaries.

These are just two of the difficult one another types we have in our lives and traits we can exhibit ourselves. There are many more: clingy, obstinate, argumentative, tardy, procrastinator, etc… The key to enjoying fruitful and God-honoring relationships with each of these types is to not give up on them. They are our brothers or sisters in Christ. They are God’s children. He loves them as much as He loves us. He died for them just like He died for us. Like it or not, we will be spending all of eternity (a long time) with them and then all the difficulties will seem so small.

We may have to set up parameters. We may have to practice tough love. We will probably cry…a lot. We will have to spend hours in prayer and in the Word. We will have to leave what is comfortable and easy and invest in what is scary and hard. We will have to strip off our pride and probably seek counsel and help from other one anothers. We will have to lay prostrate before our God daily, even hourly. And we will have to let go and let God every moment of every day.

Above all…

We must never give up! We must never stop loving!

We must take this personally!

Here again we all are unreliable sometimes, but each of us can name a one another that, for whatever reason, is hardly ever reliable. This is the one another that lets us down time and time again. They say they will help clean up after the fellowship lunch on Sunday, but leave before clean up even begins. They say they will come early on Sunday morning to practice with the praise team, but arrive just ten minutes before the service starts. They offer to help clean out the shrubs on workday Saturday, but spend more time chatting than working. You get the idea.

I suppose there are some folks who actually plan to behave this way, but most of these “unreliables” mean well. They just don’t execute well, and boy do they get on our nerves. Before we realize just how annoying they are, we are setting up barriers. We exclude them from church planning, task forces, and committees. Next, we find excuses to not ask for their help. Finally, we go out of our way to avoid them and eventually a relationship is lost. As weeks, months, and even years go by, we scratch our heads when we learn this one another has left the church and walked away from fellowship with God and ask, “Why?”

Our reactionary barriers may have eased some of our stress levels, but it didn’t preserve the relationship levels. In short, we set up the barriers without loving these one anothers because the loving part requires more effort and a great deal more personal investment than simply building walls. Even the great Apostle Paul took the easy road on this one. Does that surprise you? It did me. 

Often I put Paul on some demigod pedestal assuming he never sinned or fell short even though Paul declared that was not at all the case (Romans 7).

After some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brethren in every city in which we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” Barnabas wanted to take John, called Mark, along with them also. But Paul kept insisting that they should not take him along who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. But Paul chose Silas and left, being committed by the brethren to the grace of the Lord. 

Acts 15:36-39

Here is his dilemma. Paul suggests to Barnabas that they should go back through every city where they had preached and follow up. Barnabas thinks this is a great idea and suggests they take John Mark with them. That’s where the impasse begins.

John Mark had proven to Paul, probably over and over again, that he was unreliable. In fact, Mark was so unreliable that he physically left the work. For Paul, desertion was inexcusable. We aren’t told why Mark left the work. Obviously God didn’t think it was pertinent to the truth being presented. However, I imagine doing ministry with Paul was hard and grueling work. After all, he was a workhorse and a strong personality. Most likely he expected a strong work ethic from those around him. Maybe Mark didn’t think he measured up. Or maybe he felt overwhelmed and didn’t feel qualified. Or maybe he was just exhausted. Whatever the reason, Paul had enough. 

The Sinful One Another

Of course we all sin. Here I am talking about the believer who is living in sin and is seemingly unrepentant. We recognize this because she keeps doing the same sin over and over. Often these one anothers are very close to us and that is why it is so hard to love them day in and day out. Let me say up front, that if you are being abused by anyone, believer or not, remove yourself and those under your care immediately! You’re not loving them by staying in harm’s way. You will see what I mean shortly. Right now, get out and get help!

Along with abuse, there are many other painful, complicated, and damaging sinful behaviors that Satan wants to use to take everyone involved to a breaking point. At this breaking point, we not only stop loving one another, we stop loving and trusting God. This is Satan’s ultimate prize. We cannot let him have it!

This sinful one another may be your husband who continues to view pornography though he always vows to stop. It may be your child who continues to steal from you to support his drug and/or alcohol habit. It may be your daughter who is on live-in boyfriend number four. It may be your teenager who has decided it is easier to cheat to make it through school than it is to do the homework. It may be a sibling’s angry outbursts whenever you dare to disagree with her. Or it may be____________ you fill in the blank.

Whatever the sin, whoever the one another, however long it’s been going on, all you know is that you don’t know how to love them anymore. These are real, serious, and complicated one another living situations and I would not be so arrogant to think I could solve them in just a few pages. In fact, if I wrote a thousand volumes I would not be able to solve them. But I am confident Jesus can not only solve them but redeem them. My goal is to point you to His Words and solutions. He will help you with the day to day and moment by moment thoughts, decisions, and actions you need to make.

The first thing I believe we have to do for these habitual sinful one anothers is to pray for them and maybe not in the way you first think. Of course we want the sin to stop. Of course we want them to turn their lives around. But first and foremost, we must pray for them to want God more than their sin. This relieves us from the burden of figuring out if they are truly born-again or not. In this prayer, the question of salvation rests squarely with God where it belongs. 

If they are believers, then God will deal with them as His children and do all that is necessary to bring them back in fellowship with Him. If they are not truly saved, then God will continue to call them to Himself. Neither of these processes will be easy on you, but your heavenly Father will sustain and empower you. That leads to the second prayer.

This prayer is for you personally and asks God to use you as He sees fit and to keep you out of the way as needed. We are usually more than willing for the “use me” part, but the “keep me out of the way part”…not so much. It is hard for us to fathom that God will have victory in the life of our one another without us, especially if that one another is our child. But for the eternal sake of our one another and for the sake of God’s glory, we must be willing to be used or to get step out of the way.

I believe most often these two prayers are answered with parameters for us and for our sinful one another. We must remember that Jesus didn’t just go around spreading a hippy kind of “all you need is love” gospel, giving license for people to do whatever they wanted. Jesus consistently taught about his parameters, not to earn our salvation, but to live out our salvation. 

Don’t you just love it when someone opens a conversation with, “Now, don’t take this personally?” Of course there is little chance you will take what they say any other way. Not only that, now all sorts of sirens, red flags, and fireworks are going off in your heart and mind. Whatever this person is about to say is going to be exaggerated within your psyche and a perfectly good day is about to be ruined. We humans like to play these mind games, don’t we?

Thank God, He does not play games at all, mind or any other kind. He always speaks truth. He always loves holy and wholly.

And He always deals with us personally. He is not some distant god or force that checks in on earth’s inhabitants every couple centuries or so. Neither is He a galactic Santa Clause just waiting to give us everything we want once He checks whether we’ve been naughty or nice. He’s not my dad who said one thing, but modeled something else. He’s not your dad who abandoned the family or wished he could abandon you. He is Jehovah!

God does not fit in our myriad of boxes we try to cram Him in. The whole universe cannot contain Him! And yet, He personally lives within each of his children (Holy Spirit) in rich and deep fellowship. How sad He must be when we glibly pass over His Love Letter to us and refuse to apply His infinite wisdom to our lives.

He doesn’t want us to face sin’s consequences. He doesn’t want us to live in hate and bitterness. He doesn’t want us to live in disunity. He doesn’t want anyone to perish. However, He will not force us to love Him or each other.

Recently I read a plaque which stated, “The only book where the author shows up every time you read it. The Bible.” I think another plaque could read, “The only book where the readers don’t always show up even when they read the words. The Bible.” 

God wants us to know Him personally (salvation), He wants us to fellowship with Him personally (justification), and he wants us to obey Him personally (sanctification). God wants us to take Him at His Word and take His Word personally.

John 13:34-35 is not just for our pastor and his wife. It is not just for the deacons and elders in our church. It is not just for the cantankerous old man who snores two pews behind us. And it is not just for our spouse and kids. It is a personal commandment for us. It is a personal way of life for us. It is a personal ability for us. It is a personal result for us. God is talking to you and me.

We must take this personally, and that is exactly what we are going to do.

We are going to peer into the lives of two of the most difficult one anothers we are commanded to love. You know the ones I mean…those brothers and sisters in Christ who just drive us crazy or bring tears to our eyes more often than laughter to our soul. It is hard to love fellow believers who frustrate us at every church meeting or block every ministry we try to initiate or hurt our best friend one too many times.

We all have difficult one anothers, and if we are honest, we will admit we can be one of the difficult one anothers at least now and then. So as we pull back the curtain on these difficult one anothers, let’s look at ourselves first and take care of our log before we focus on the twig of someone else. Only then can we learn how to love in spite of all the difficult ones.